GCN Conference Reflections: Part 1, regrets!

It strikes me how at the conference, there were so many people I did not connect with, at all, not even for a moment! And how many more were just the ships passing in the night variety, "oh hi! nice to see you" all weekend. I did spend a lot of time in my room, on the computer PMing with two friends who were not at the conference, and I can't really regret that. I needed time to be "by myself" and "with them"! I went in and out of social anxiety and rejection issues all through the conference.

But then, even though I can be at times very outgoing in some sense and free with the hugs, and all, I'm at my heart very shy and well, afraid that I'm secretly or really not liked or even that I'm despised or annoying to people. I shared that a little on Saturday night, and that the ice is cracking. But unfortunately its still very much there, the ice or the wall or whatever you want to call it.

None of this should be understood to say that I didn't have a good time. I had "a shy person's good time", as someone said to me at one point about how they were doing! I guess you could add, I had a good time for someone who has so many social issues and fears.