Friday, August 8, 2008


I can't believe its been three months since I last posted here. I had such noble and enthusiastic plans to keep this updated when I began the blog. But alas, life goes by very quickly and there's always so much to do it seems. I seem to be in a perpetual state of, "Stop the World; I Want to Get OFF"!!! But as busy as I get, there's always something lacking. What's with this empty space? Its not a "God shaped hole", I have God in my life. Oh, there's issues there I suppose. I don't feel as close as I have in the past. Definitely struggling there, but is that the whole of it? I think its more of a "best friend shaped hole"; could be a "life-partner shaped hole" or at least a "sexual fulfillment shaped hole". (That REALLLY didn't come out right!) There is a "friends I used to have in my life" shaped hole. And a "posse shaped hole". As we come up to tomorrow, I can say that for sure there is a "Jerry Garcia shaped hole". More accurately I guess, a "Grateful Dead shaped hole". Is there a "marijuana shaped hole"? or an "alcohol shaped hole"? Probably not. Now, with all these, I have to wonder. Does it really still all come back to the original, "God shaped hole"? In case you have no idea what all this talk of eclectically shaped holes is about, its simply a proverbial saying in spiritual circles that "everyone has a God-shaped hole", and that all of our lusting after and pursuing things of this world, even including the desire for relationship and friendship, is in essence us trying to fill this hole, which can only truly be filled by God, of course. I believe in this to some degree, maybe even to a large degree. But - there is a point when we have legitimate and real needs for things of this world, and for human contact and relationship. But then this leads me again to wonder why even with all the friends I am blessed with in my life, and all the music, and church involvement, etc, I am still left feeling so empty? I do know that a sense of sexual denial, partly of my own choosing and due to my own choices, and partly due to lack of interest on the part of anyone I'd like to fulfill this need with, is creating a very real hole. (Dang! Again with that not quite coming out right...). I'm left with nothing more to say, on that note.

So here's some vintage Jerry Garcia with the Grateful Dead to sing us out:

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